What's the matter doll-face?

So if you haven't heard by now, the Chicago White Sox are mired in a nationwide controversy over a locker room display that included blow-up dolls and strategically placed bats in the vicinity.

Pundits are calling for a variety of punishments, most notably the manager Ozzie Guillen. Feminists have swooped in with the speed of a mongoose to declare their objections to such a despicable act.

Hmmm. Is this really what the world is coming to?

With advertisements using shorthand like OMFG with two high school characters from a t.v. show depicted in sexually suggestive positions in the backdrop, this shouldn't have even been a blip on the radar.

Sure it was probably a nice story for the Toronto writer who saw the display. I'm sure on a slow news day it filled up space nicely and probably earned him a couple guest appearances on radio shows somewhere.

But was it really necessary?

The locker room used to be a sacred place where the players could be themselves and acted as a safe haven from the constant scrutiny and all seeing cameras. But now that sanctuary is being violated as the media explores news ways to rob these athletes of anything remotely close to resembling privacy.

The NBA now allows cameras in the locker room, microphones on coaches and requires interviews between quarters.

MLB now allows in game interviews that seem to really irk managers that have to participate in them as their team is in a dogfight for playoff position.

The NHL allows player interviews in between each period.

Everywhere you look the public eye is burning a hole in the back of the heads of professional athletes, leaving them no possible way to be themselves during the 162 games of a MLB season.

These were guys being guys and meant not to offend, but to uplift their teammates while they tried to break out of a tough road stretch that included some heartbreaking losses.

So to all the Carol Slezaks and Woody Paige's out there, take it down a notch. You truly need to start writing columns that make people think instead of writing columns you think may make people upset.

The Whining Game

There's a growing trend in the NFL that owners, fans, sportswriters and everyone else is already sick and tired of.

Multi-multi-multi-millionaire athletes whining and complaining for weeks at a time in hopes of getting a new contract worth millions and millions of dollars more.

It's a tired act that has played in front of franchises league wide, and only recently took centerstage here in Chicago.

Brian Urlacher is refusing to attend offseason activities because he is unhappy with his current contract that expires in 2011. Despite the fact his contract - when signed in 2003 - made him the highest paid defensive player in the NFL.

Boy, how things change in only five years time. Poor Urlacher can't afford that island off of Australia now that his contract is sooo outdated.

The man who is the face of the franchise is now in jeopardy of becoming public enemy number one in the eyes of Bears faithful.

But aside from the point this man is asking for millions on top of millions while the rest of the nation prepares for the impending, or exisiting depending on who you talk to, recession, he may have a legitimate reason for wanting some more dinero.

In the NFL contracts aren't guaranteed like they are in the NBA and MLB. This means at any point during the life of such a signed and sealed legal document, a NFL team can cut any player at any given time.

So the logic behind this is flawed in favor of the franchise.

Play good and you get your money. Play terrible and you lose your money. Play better than expected, shut up and take what we give you.

It's unfair that players cannot be rewarded with a new contract when they exceed expectations.

How can they be expected to honor their contract at all times when a franchise is allowed to pick and choose when to void it?

The way Urlacher and his cohorts are handling their situations is unfortunate, but truth is, they really have no other options. Until the leagues designs a system that allows players and franchises to renegotiate contracts in certain scenarios, players will be forced to make public spectacles of their demands.

I'm ready for my closeup Mr. Goodell.

Gender Bender

Ah, the sportswriter.

Primarily thought of as a man sitting in front of his trusty typewriter, loosening up his tie while sweating profusely and chain smoking hoping to get the copy in by deadline.

However, this notion is as outdated as the ones preached in early issues of Good Housekeeping that provided tips for women on how to make sure the 'man of the house' is taken care of properly.

"Make sure to allow your man to sit down as you untie his shoes and prepare dinner for him."

Today's woman balks at those kinds of statements and laugh at such absurdity.

Same goes for the sportswriters of today.

The profession has knocked down gender barriers by ushering an entirely new generation of sportswriters of the female variety. And believe it or not Good Housekeeping, they're pretty damn good too.

They say the pen is mightier than the sword and in this case, it proves true. While it's no secret female pioneers in to the sports world experienced less than ideal treatment from athletes and peers, things have started to change.

Through the arduous process of earning trust and undeniable respect, female sportswriters have ascended to the highest levels of journalism. They roam the sidelines of the biggest of games and are counted upon by fans everywhere to provide the needed information regarding their favorite franchises.

While you can argue women like Suzy Kolber, Pam Oliver and most notably, Erin Andrews are simply glorified eye candy, you cannot deny their place in today's sports realm.

Hopefully there will come a day when a topic like this is as absurd as the issues of Good Housekeeping from decades ago. But until that time comes, give them a chance.

Who knows, you might actually learn a thing or two.

It's a Two-Way Street

If you've ever been in a relationship, you know that it's built upon certain principles that primarily revolve around the issue of trust. With it, and a relationship can remain strong and intact. Without it, the two sides grow apart and the relationship usually ends in a bitter dispute and hurt feelings.

So it's not surprising to see the relationship between professional athletes and journalists who cover them deteriorating so quickly. Trust does not exist between the two factions of the sports world and both sides have valid grievances supporting their side of the feud.

From the athlete's perspective, the journalist of today is simply more interested in being able to break a story that could potentially garner national media attention. Whether it's a scathing quote about management, another player, coach, teammate, etc...being the first to report it may lead to exposure for a journalist on a national level.

Often times you'll hear a player claiming they were misquoted in a piece that may have done damage to their reputation. It's not uncommon for athletes to completely boycott media requests and Chicago is home to one of the most unique examples of this standoff.

All-world, all-everything Bears middle linebacker Brian Urlacher left local media in the dark throughout the 2007 season due to a myriad of published stories ranging from his child custody battles to injury inquiries he felt were inaccurate or out of line. Instead of clarifying himself and refuting the claims in stories that angered him so, Urlacher decided to only communicate through FOX Sports analyst Jay Glazer. Chicago media were only given one-word answers by Urlacher and he regularly displayed his disdain for the people in the room on or off camera.

But in this regard, Brian Urlacher is the ultimate hypocrite.

He's currently using the media as his personal mouthpiece to demand a reworked contract for the upcoming season. Despite the fact it's not set to expire until 2011. The very people he despises with every fiber of his being, are the very same people who will aid him in getting another huge payday.

So in his mind, using the media for his own personal gains is acceptable.

However, reporters using him for their own personal gain is unconscionable.

But Urlacher's use of the media is not uncommon. In fact, it's commonplace.

While athletes bemoan the lack of honesty and professionalism of journalists, they take advantage of them very often in order to serve their own agenda.

Unhappy with your contract?

Leak a story to a team reporter and watch it take off on ESPN and local media outlets.

Want to be traded?

Talk to the media, make your feelings known and proceed to land that new multi-multi-million dollar deal in a warm climate.

Both sides are using one another, yet both bemoan one another for it and fans suffer because of it.

The relationship between the two sides is frazzled to say the least. I keep imagining it as the Pit and the Pendulum, always one swing closer to becoming completely severed.

But in order for the two sides to have any chance of reconciliation, they need to come to the understanding their relationship will never be the way it was twenty, thirty years ago. Long gone are the days when reporters would turn a blind eye to the debauchery these athletes find themselves in.

Once they realize how their relationship actually benefits one another, things may go back to normal and fans will once again get the kind of coverage we had all become accustomed to.

If not, it's going to be one ugly breakup.

Quit Crying Already

Unless you've been living under a rock for the past month, you may have heard a thing or two about some green-eyed monster thinking about selling the naming rites of Wrigley Field to the highest bidder.

The backlash that has followed mega-millionaire Chicago Tribune, and Cubs owner Sam Zell's proposal to do so has been loud and clear.

Both die-hard and casual Cubs fans are outraged over the idea of changing the name outside the Ivy-Walls, citing its historical significance to the city and its emotional attachment to the team.

However, this David (fans) vs Goliath (Zell) tale will not end the way most will expect it to for 400 million reasons.

That's how much Zell could potentially make off a deal with an interested corporate sponsor looking to attach their logo to a stadium that is treated more like the city's most recognized tourist attraction, than a ballpark.

For a shrewd businessman that has no ties to a franchise that hasn't won a World Series in a century, the opportunity to make $400 million supersedes any loyalties to the name of a ballpark he could absolutely care less about.

And for that reason alone I applaud him for it.

What would really change if Wrigley Field became Bank of America Ballpark or the Kraft field?

Besides a few broken hearts and teary-eyed protests, really not that much. I'm sure fans of the team would probably try and organize a boycott of the corporate entity that assumes the naming rights as a form of protest.

But do you really think people would stop coming to Wrigley?

Do you really think a ballpark known for its half beer garden, half frat party atmosphere would lose that kind of appeal?

The answer is absolutely not. This Cubs franchise transcends every preconceived notion you have about the relationship between a team's performance and attendance figures.

The Cubs are known for losing and while people complain about it, its the factor that has endeared the Cubs to so many of the Chicagoans either in the city or transplanted elsewhere.

So quit crying and accept the fact that Sam Zell could care less about what you think. He owns the Cubs and is entitled to do what he sees fit in order to turn a profit. It's the American way and principles will never stand in the way of someone accepting a check for $400 million.

Would you turn down that kind of money?

If you said no, then you sir, are a better man than I..

The Gray Area

We applaud them for their strength.

We wait breathlessly for the next violent collision that will most certainly make all the highlight reels.

We ooh and aah as these men partake in sporting events built upon principles that exist nowhere else in society.

So what do we do when the violence we crave and expect results in horrific injuries that not only threatens to destroy a man's livelihood, but also his entire life?

Perhaps no other gray area such as violence in sports exists in the world we live in because there are laws in place to deter it from happening.

But those very same laws that send people to prison are meaningless and merely an afterthought come gameday.

It is the only arena in which physically assaulting another person is permissible and may entitle you to riches beyond your wildest dreams.

Men are bred and raised to become muscle bound behemoths for no other reason and are encouraged by family, friends, coaches, scouts, girlfriends, fans etc...to be ruthless and coldblooded once the game begins.

To do so requires an individual to develop an on-the-field persona that enables them to shut down the subconscious so that when the opportunity arises, there is no hesitation and certainly no remorse before delivering a bone-crushing hit.

On rare occasions, actions on the field go past the point of sports and require the involvement of local authorities. Anything that happens after the whistle blows is unquestionably a criminal act, even if it is accepted during the course of an event.

But what if it happens with only seconds remaining in a high school game that was basically over, but not officially over?

A high school hockey player was paralyzed after being hit from behind by an opponent whose team was guaranteed a win with two seconds left on the clock. The young man who delivered the hit was arrested on a myriad of criminal charges that potentially could have landed him in juevenille facility until he turned 21.

But was the punishment enough?

Or, was it too much?

Valid points can be made on each side of the argument and the only way I can look at this situation objectively is because it didn't affect me personally.

Circumstances definitely play a role in answering these questions as we'll use this case as a reference point.

What if this had happened early on in a tie game?

What if it was in retaliation for a similar play that left a player with a bruised knee or sprained ankle?

What if the young man wasn't paralyzed as a result of the hit, just a little woozy?

While I will concede these questions are impossible to answer, they should illustrate the point that the end result is what really matters in this situation, not the hit. The hit would have not received the attention it did if the young man walked away from it.

Dirty plays can be found in every sport. But truthfully, they are an accepted part of sports and usually occur at least once a game and sometimes the fans never even know it happened.

NFL players will pinch, grab, twist and rip anything within reach when lumped together in a pile after a play, and more importantly, after the whistle blows.

MLB pitchers will not hesitate to throw 95 mph heat directly at an opposing hitter if the situation calls for it.

NASCAR drivers will bump the car in front of them to take an advantage and don't think twice when that car slams into the wall or spins out while going 200 mph.

The list goes on and on.

But how often are we spitting venom in the direction of those who participate in acts such as these?

Just picture yourself throwing a rock the size of a baseball as hard as you possibly can at someone standing across the street from you.

Next time you're on the expressway, crank your Honda up to 100-mph and bump the person in front of you and see how cool it is when that minivan spins out of control and flips end over end.

In everyday life, these events are unthinkable and would never be tolerated. So why does sports get the free pass?

The only time anyone thinks twice about these violent acts is when the injuries that occur as a direct result go beyond routine. Like the man paralyzed at the hockey game.

This where people need to understand the double standard that is applied to sports.

Men are trained to be as ruthless as necessary on the field and sometimes it's impossible to flip the off switch towards the end, or after a game.

Are they any different than a soldier suffering from an affliction like Gulf War Syndrome?

Struggling to adjust to a life not filled with the daily violence and the desperate need for the kill or be killed mentality to survive.

I acknowledge the situations a soldier faces are completely different - and much more extreme - than those of any millionaire athlete, but the mindset is not much different.

There is no clear cut solution to any of these questions and I truly am not trying to make excuses for what happened to the young man who will never walk again.

I'm trying to show that the differences between a dirty play and a clean play, between right and wrong, between illegal and legal are not so easily understood in the world of sports. Different rules allow for different outcomes and examining each situation individually is the only short term solution.

But even then, the line between sports and life will forever be wayward and every so often everyone will get tossed into its gray area without a life preserver.




But

Help Wanted?........Please?

He has hit more home runs than anyone. He is widely regarded as the greatest hitter of his generation. His eye at the plate is unmatched and consistently leads the league in on-base-percentage.

Yet, Barry Bonds remains in baseball purgatory without an escape plan in place.

Reportedly St. Louis Cardinals manager Tony LaRussa was interested in signing Bonds to protect slugger Albert Pujols.

No dice. Cardinals upper management squashed that idea with the swiftness of a Bonds home run swing.

The Tampa Bay Devil Rays were said to have "discussions" about whether or not to bring Bonds on board.

BOOM!

Every single news outlet in America swarms to the minor league-esque MLB team and wants to know the scoop. Rays manager Joe Maddon looked like a deer in the headlights of an 18-wheeler faced with the media circus that is Barry Lamar Bonds.

Sure, the steroids, HGH, cream, flaxseed oil and any other injectable, snortable, ingestible substance Bonds is associated with plays a big part in why no team is seriously considering signing the one-time first ballot Hall of Famer.

But what comes apart of the package off the field is where teams are having a tough time rationalizing a past his prime power hitter in exchange for 365 days of questions about Bonds and his checkered past.

However, teams like the Tampa Bay Rays, Kansas City Royals and Baltimore Orioles should be taking a long hard look at Bonds. Out of the 30 MLB franchises, those three teams were ranked 28, 27 and 23 respectively in league attendance last year.

What better way to put some butts in the seats than signing such an enormous lightening rod as Bonds? Think some of those games wouldn't be on ESPN?

It would have to be an American League team because the Bonds of today is an ideal designated hitter. He can't play the field. He can't really run. But he can still do things at the plate 90-percent of players could never dream of.

Bonds is the poster-child of everything performing enhancing and has taken the brunt of the criticism and scrutiny tossed in MLB's direction. Those problems are never going to disappear and any team would have to understand Bonds is a figure of epic proportions and will always require special treatment in almost every situation.

So my advice to the small market, small revenue teams out there in the American League is this:

Use him like he's used the game of baseball and its fans for his own personal gain. Make some money and give your fans a reason to come to the ballpark.

NFL Factory

Today marks the beginning of a weekend that will determine the future of over 300 collegiate football players preparing to enter the 2008 NFL Draft. Athletes from across the country will come together in Indianapolis at the NFL Combine to voluntarily be poked and prodded by coaches and scouts from around the league.

An impressive performance in the wide array of tests can lead to millions of dollars come draft day.

A poor performance has the potential to do irreparable damage to the future career of a player.

The Combine has evolved into yet another spectacle for the league and is broadcast live by the NFL Network the entire weekend. These young men are treated not as individuals, but rather potential investments for NFL franchises and leads to a very unique event in the sports world.

Medical records are examined by innumerable team doctors, physicians and trainers. That sprained ankle you had back in the fourth grade could potentially make or break a team's desire to select you with their first round pick. It's gotten to the point where your entire personality is broken down so coaches and other team personnel can try to predict what kind of player you will be.

There is the infamous Wonderlic test administered to measure the intelligence of players. Current Tennessee Titans quarterback Vince Young was rumored to have scored a 6 out of a possible 50 points on the test in 2006. Despite the fact he single handedly led his University of Texas team to the Rose Bowl in one of the most dramatic finishes in history, national pundits actually thought the low score would lead to him dropping out of the first round.

There is nothing else like the Combine in the sports world. It is the ultimate representation of how the NFL is a business and nothing else. Players need to realize this point early on if they want to make it in the most cut throat professional sports leagues in the world.

The NFL is the only league that does not guarantee its player's contracts. Teams can arbitrarily decide to cut a player and will never have to pay him a dime even though five years remained on the original contract. The most important part of a rookie contract is not the length of the deal or the annual salary. It's the signing bonus these kids are after and the combine will be the ultimate determination of what dollar amount will be handed to them come draft day.

It's a sick process that has become glorified to the point of insanity. Unfortunately, these kids are used to it. The NCAA has already made millions of dollars off of their sweat and tears during their collegiate tenure. This is a harsh reality that is really not looked at as a problem because it's all about the payday that may come in the future.

The next couple days will be filled with mentions of the 40-yard dash, bench press, Wonderlic and - my personal favorite - the shuttlecock race. Pay attention to the coverage and make sure you realize that a split second could mean the difference between failure and success.

Welcome to the NFL kid.

Two Worlds Collide

Sports will never be the same after Super Bowl XLII. It's become infected with a disease that is rampant among housewives and young women all over the nation and at this point in time, there is no cure.
Ryan Seacrest hosted a red-carpet pre-game show before the Super Bowl. Let me repeat that in case you weren't paying attention.
RYAN SEACREST HOSTED A RED-CARPET SHOW BEFORE THE SUPER BOWL!
Somehow this slipped under the radar of many a sports fan and some may shrug it off as part of the 'show'. But reading between the lines will make you understand this was not an accident. The obsession of celebrity gossip is creeping its way in my sports world and it's time we all took a stand to stop it.
There was a time when sports were my haven. It granted me the ultimate excuse for not paying any attention to the women in my life for hours at a time. They would leave the room and I could gorge myself on whatever greasy food I wanted, wash it down with a cold beer and absorb as much of the sports world as possible every Sunday.
This celeb-infection is threatening to destroy my sanctuary because the women of my life are now paying attention to sports. They want to see Eva Longoria in the stands rooting for Tony Parker. They want to know if Gisele is there watching Tom Brady.
They want to watch the game with other women and discuss the various merits of the boots Cameron Diaz happened to be roaming the sidelines in.
However, looking deeper into this trend it shouldn't really be surprising. The NFL, MLB and NBA are already billion dollar entities without much help from the female population. By combining an element - celebrity obsession - women find extremely appealing with something - all sports - men salivate at the mouth over, professional sports leagues are going the reap the benefits of both worlds. The financial incentives accompanying this move will be enormous.
While I can applaud the genius of this idea, I still cannot accept it.
Goodbye sports world. I will forever mourn your departure.